judith anne condon

I hope you’ll enjoy using some of these topics to inspire fun conversations with your dates.

Judith — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 18:11:44 +0000

It’s a good idea to practice them with family and friends ( with your flirt on, of course).

Just explain what you’re doing.

Ready? Here goes.

What’s the most unusual thing you know how to do?

If you could hang out with any celebrity, sports star, historical figure for a whole day, who would you choose?

What was the craziest thing you did as a kid?

Would you rather have a beautiful garden, fabulous car, or more vacation days?

What’s your perfect Sunday?

Like these topics?

Tried ‘em?

What happened?

Have a few of your own come to mind?

PLEASE share your experiences, comments, feedback

XOXO

Judith

How to be Happy as a Single – Holiday 2012

Judith — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 22:02:00 +0000

Don’t stress over your single status this season.

Instead, embrace your freedom with these 7 sparkling tips.

The holidays seem to amplify the cons of single life. If you were feeling empowered and independent before the holiday season rolled in, a few too many smiling pairs might be causing your exterior to crack a bit. Well, don’t worry, you’re not alone. According to the New York Post, a study by Match.com showed that the biggest worry among singles was not having a partner for the holiday season. A whopping 48-percent of those surveyed proclaimed their worst fear was that they would be without a significant other to share in the festivities. It’s amazing to have someone, but if you don’t, we’re also advocating that you embrace your single status this holiday season. It’s time to focus on other aspects of your life and stop stressing over when you’ll find that perfect person. Here’s how.

1. Plan thoughtful gifts.

This year, put your intelligence to good use and wow the people in your life with meaningful gifts. Make your best friend a CD of all the ridiculous songs you two have belted out on karaoke night, or get your writing-obsessed niece a journal that you personalized yourself. Give gifts with depth. The people closest to you will be so thankful, and you’ll be more fulfilled.

2. Focus on your family.

When’s the last time you called your Texas-dwelling little sister or your aunt who lives in Canada? Now would be the perfect time to catch up. They’ll be ecstatic to hear from you, and you’ll be surprised by how much you’ve missed.

3. Mingle with other singles.

Just because you’re technically solo, doesn’t mean you can’t have tons of fun this season. Hit some holiday parties. Trust us, there will be plenty of people just like you. When you spot that hottie by the punch bowl, you’ll be glad you can shoot him a come-hither smile. Single? That just means you have options.

4. Meet your friends for coffee (and don’t talk about relationships!)

Make weekly trips to your local coffee shop with your closest friends. Gab about everything from your crazy co-workers to that sexy guy you’ve been eyeing at the gym. Relationship talk is off-limits. Try it—it’s completely freeing.

5. Do something you wouldn’t normally do.

Join a pottery class. Read that John Grisham book you’ve been meaning to open for about a year. Make over your bedroom. You have time to do something just because you want to. So, do it!

6. Laugh.

With your friends. By yourself, at something on TV. With strangers, after you almost trip on that ice patch. Just for no reason. Laugh. You’ll feel better.

7. Flirt.

Flirt like crazy. After all, it’s the season to be jolly and you never know what the high vibration of jolly behaviour will bring you.

You’re Single for a Reason

Judith — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 18:43:43 +0000

One of the hardest things for me to accept is that I create my own outcomes, whether I like them or not, my failures as well as FAT AND DESTINY

I strongly believe in taking ownership for my life, choices, and outcomes, so much so that I call it The Most Important Relationship Skill. While my actions and choices largely determine my outcomes, as silly and incongruous as it might be, I also believe in “fate” or “destiny,” that things happen as they’re meant to happen. This force can also be called “The Law of Attraction,” which helps me to embrace and accept “what is,” believing that I’m exacting where I need to be, going where my life purpose needs to go.

I don’t believe in chance or randomness. Things happen for a reason. When something happens that I don’t like (divorce, car accident, etc) I’ve found that if I ask myself “What’s the purpose or reason for this event?” I can always come up with one pretty easily, especially if I’m honest with myself. And darn it, the answer always seems to be something I need to learn, something the Universe is trying to teach me, that I’m resisting. As RCI coach LeAnn O’Neal says “Each painful moment is an opportunity for new expansion.” I’ll try to remember that next time…

ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT

After 50 years on this planet I finally “got” that “what you resist, persists,” and learned to examine and accept life’s lessons. My attitude used to be “I know” and “I can handle it” and “I have it under control” (hey, at least it wasn’t “It’s their fault” and “Why me?” and “I deserve it!”). Now my attitude is a little more humble, such as “What do I need to learn?” and “What’s the reason or purpose behind this?”

I’m very clear now that my outcomes are determined by how I show up, which is largely driven by my attitudes. What’s inside shows up on the outside and what I’m thinking will become reality, so I must monitor and make conscious choices about what I allow my thoughts to focus upon. Wow, not only do I need to take responsibility for my actions, I have to own the consequences of my private thoughts and beliefs!

THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION

If you’re single and would prefer to be in a fulfilling relationship, I’m playing with the idea that the most important coaching question for you is “Why are you single?”

“Why” doesn’t mean “What happened?” or “Whose fault is it?” In this case ”Why” refers to big picture questions such as “What is the purpose or reason for you being single at this time in your life?” and “What do you need to learn that is getting in the way of your relationships?”

WHAT DO YOU NEED TO LEARN?

If you’re single and want a life partnership, what are the major life learnings or lessons that must be mastered before you can find your soul mate and live happily ever after? Here are five possibilities that occur to me-

1. Heal old wounds (emotional baggage)

2. Learn relationship skills (we’re not born with a manual)

3. Learn to accept responsibility for your life, needs and outcomes

4. Identify and change unproductive habits and patterns

5. Identify and change unproductive attitudes and beliefs

As I review the above honestly I can see the things that my two divorces helped me to learn. As I look back on all the events that happened in my life that didn’t go the way I wanted (like the time I crashed my sailboat into the rocks of Alcatraz) I can see they all happened for a reason related to one or more of the above that I needed to learn.

To paraphrase Jim Rohn, “Life doesn’t give you what you want, need, or expect; Life gives you what you need to learn.”

So, if you’re single and reading this, why are you single at this time in your life? What do you need to learn to find and have a fulfilling relationship? I sincerely hope your answers to these questions lead you to the life and love that you really want.

Advantages of Internet Dating

Judith — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 18:37:28 +0000

In a new trend, singles are becoming increasingly disillusioned with internet dating and seeking alternatives. With millions of singles using the internet and the promises and success stories of online matchmaking websites, I’ve heard the same thing over and over from singles across the country who are frustrated with internet dating-

“It’s great to have a lot of choices, but it takes a lot of time and I don’t seem to meet anyone I have much chemistry with.”

This trend makes sense to me. In some ways, using a computer to find your soul mate is like trying to cook a souffle in a microwave. Some things just require time, effort, and the human touch.

This article will explore the upsides and downsides of internet dating, attempt to explain why internet dating doesn’t work for some (most?) singles, and suggest some alternatives.

Top Five Advantages of Internet Dating

1. Reach more singles

2. Inexpensive (relatively)

3. Enough information available for efficient sorting

4. Anonymous

5. Easy to control most aspects of the process

Top Five Downsides of Internet Dating

1. Overwhelming number of choices

2. Encourages “shopping” mentality

3. Many users are less than truthful

4. Some users are game players, predators. cheaters

5. Complacency- tempting to rely on the internet and exclude other options

The Internet, Chemistry, and the Law of Attraction

Today’s singles seem to be relying on their computer a bit too much and complacently expecting the internet to deliver their soul mate. This is a version of the Fairytale Trap (one of fourteen dating traps in my book ”Conscious Dating”). The internet is a wonderful tool (I use it!) but doesn’t seem to work effectively as the only tool for finding potential partners.

I believe that the two biggest reasons why the internet isn’t effective for many singles is the role of chemistry and the Law of Attraction.

Chemistry is critically important for a successful relationship. Everyone wants a partner they feel strong chemistry with, and a relationship would be pretty dry and unsustainable without it. The Fourth Principle of Conscious Dating is “Balance Your Heart With Your Head.” Identifying your requirements, needs, and wants does not minimize the need for chemistry. You need both! I like
to think of chemistry as the radar that helps you find your target, then you use your requirements, needs and wants to decide “yes” or “no.”

The Law of Attraction is inescapeable and either works for you or against you. If you’re “busy” or “shy” and the internet is your only means of reaching potential partners, in a way you’re hiding behind your computer and the Law of Attraction is not likely to help you. The Law of Attraction states that “like attracts like” and “energy follows attention,” meaning your results reflect your
thoughts and your actions. Over the years I’ve become convinced that the Law of Attraction is a powerful law of the Universe, like gravity. Just like “what goes up must come down,” try as you might, you can’t avoid or change the principle that “like attracts like.”

If you’re hiding behind your computer, what people, relationships, and results are you likely to attract?

Top Five Ways to Find Your Mate Without a Computer

1. Use your support community

Most people find their soul mate through someone they know, so don’t be a lone ranger (another dating trap!) and lean on your friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors to assist you to meet potential partners.

2. Start a dating pool or networking group

Get a group of singles together (any gender mix) to support each other to meet potential partners. Most singles know lots of other singles of both genders, so pool your resources and do some matchmaking for each other!

3. Reach out to people

In today’s busy world with cell phones, texting, instant messaging, e-mail, and the internet promoting impersonal ways of interacting with others, it’s easy to forget the lost art of engagement with real people that are right in front of you. Make an effort to reach out to the people you come into contact with in your everyday life and watch your relationships blossom.

4. Make more friends

Since most people find their soul mate through someone they know, be open to developing new friendships and expanding your support community. Chances are you already have acquaintances at work and other places that you would enjoy spending more time with. Friends are easier to find than dates, and friendships often last longer than romantic relationships!

5. Get involved

Too many singles lead isolated lives centered around work, home, and a few friends. Participating in clubs, groups, classes, charities, church/temple, is the most important way you can leverage the Law of Attraction to help you find your soul mate. You’ll meet new people, make new friends, and pursue hobbies and interests important to you that bring you in contact with other compatible singles.

Balancing High Tech with High Touch

While technology can help us in many ways, let’s not forget that as humans we are social beings and finding your life partner is a relationship goal that is most effectively acheived by getting away from your computer and living a full, rich life among real people doing the things you enjoy that make your life meaningful.

As the ancient Roman playwright Terence once said “Moderation in all things.” Do you think he meant the internet as well?

Let’s address this trend of over-reliance on the internet for finding love. Please pass this article along to the frustrated singles in your life that you care about!

I’d Rather Be Single Than Settle

Judith — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 17:20:48 +0000

To get what you really want, you must say “No” to what you don’t want. Simple, but not easy.

I’ve settled for less than I really wanted many times in my life, and each time my awareness of just how much of myself I gave up to accept that “OK” job, buy that “OK” car, enter that “OK” relationship that was less than I really wanted came much later, when it was too late to do much about it.

Looking back with 20/20 hindsight, what could I have done differently? Honestly, probably nothing. I had lessons I needed to learn, a journey I was destined to take that led me to find the love of my life and the life that I love.

What did I learn from making all those choices that seemed right at the time?

Here’s a few things-

Every choice has long-term consequences that are predictable if you’re paying attention
If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is
I listen to my fears and doubts way too much
My choices and results are a direct reflection of how worthy I feel and how well I’m taking care of myself
When I defend against what others say about me, they’re always right and I’m always wrong (damn!)
Life doesn’t work the way you want, need or expect, it works the way it works

Is it possible to catch myself settling before it’s too late?

Yes, I just have to listen to the garbage I tell myself; such as:

I don’t want to be alone
I REALLY want a relationship
I’m tired of looking, I might as well choose this one
I won’t find anything/anyone better
I’d rather have this now than risk nothing later
I don’t deserve true happiness
80% is good enough
..
Examining these statements now it’s easy to see they’re all FALSE. Looking back, I knew I was telling myself these things, but my awareness was dim enough, and my self-esteem low enough that I allowed them to dictate my choices.

What could I have done differently?